Telling Others

Telling other people about being raped or sexually abused is, I think, one of the most difficult things for a victim of rape or sexual abuse to do.
I do not know of a word that can describe the depth of fear, violation, humiliation and hurt that being raped causes and so without a language for the pain it becomes difficult to convey understanding to others.

When I was raped I had felt nothing and so I asked some of the nurses and a doctor at the hospital whether it was possible to be raped and yet feel nothing. The response's I received were that they didn't know, they didn't seem to want to know and they didn't want to talk about it.
Only my TAFE teacher, who was also a nurse, responded in the sort of way that you would wish someone to respond when you tell them you have been a victim of crime. His response was sympathetic, considerate and concerned, but I now know that for someone to respond like that is extremely rare.cartoon by Leunig

When I was told that dissociating prevents any sense of sensation so that it is possible to be raped and have no feeling then I no longer spoke about the rape, not even to people I came to know well because I knew that I would not get the response I hoped for.

Other women who have been raped have also experienced similar problems in telling others.
"It's a phenomenon that experts say is a result of a tendency among survivors to blame themselves for their attackers' actions."
"The reason an admission of sex abuse by one victim led to others coming forward too related to their ability to realise they weren't responsible for the crimes perpetrated against them." (1)

The following excerpt is from A Story of Survival by Cicely

Telling people wasn’t as easy as I thought because once I’d told people, or my mum had rung various members of my family, then when I saw the people who had been told they didn’t say anything to me. That was pretty hard to deal with. I guess they felt that maybe I didn’t want to talk about it.

You often hear of children who’ve been sexually abused telling their parents or somebody and the person refusing to believe it. I never had any of that. That would be so hard to deal with.(2)


In the months following the rape when I heard people using terms of sexual abuse I did not say anything to them as it would have meant talking about the rape.
I remember once a woman who I knew even saying she had seen pictures of me and I replied "I don't think so" because I haven't made any pictures of myself. When I asked her what she meant she said "It doesn't matter". It seemed a strange conversation to me and at the time I could only imagine that any pictures would be made by the rapist but I couldn't say that to her because I couldn't talk about the rape.

Finally, however, in 2007 I did talk about the rape before a classroom of fellow students and though it took me about 20 minutes to recover, with the sound of my pulse throbbing through my ears, from then on I have been able to talk about it more and more releasing a lot of the fear that I used to have.

Over the past few years my family and I have had the house repeatedly broken into and my personal information stolen and I believe these crimes stem from the abuse I received after being rape. So in 2008 I wrote an article which was published in the Sydney Morning Herald about the rape and it's aftermath (February entry) hoping that by telling others the truth my family and I might live without harrasment.
I also spoke about the rape at the 2008 Reclaim The Night rally. However not long after that some more personal information was stolen.

Because of the abhorrent crime that rape and sexual abuse is I have continued to talk about it.
I remember last year being threatened with being beaten for wanting to distribute a leaflet I had made about the rape.
I have also spoken directly to people, sometimes I have been sworn at, told I am a liar and also a 'poor thing' and other times people have responded with concern, sometimes even telling me their own stories.
Then I started writing this blog which is not only about what has happened to me but which I hope will give some sort of understanding to others about the effect of sexual abuse.

On the fourth of August 2009 when I read the article in The Canberra Times (3) about the Tuggeranong school girl who had been raped, when I read how similar her story was to mine and also to the other girls who had been raped in Sydney (4) and how despite the articles in the press and the seeming public revulsion about rape, the attitude that rape victims are 'sluts' has not changed, I sat outside the Police Centre here that deals with sexual assaults, which is on a main roadway, I sat there from 10am to 4pm with two signs- one asking for Human Rights for victims of crime and another asking for privacy and truth.

Australian's should not need to go to such lengths to fight for basic rights as our laws are written to allow even criminals the right to defend themselves however when I remember how much my family and I have suffered because I was raped and when I read the articles concerning the girl in Tuggeranong who was raped, and how she and her family also suffered abuse then I believe such appalling crimes should be spoken of.


(1) Cazzulino Michelle 'Victims find courage to speak of sex abuse' Daily Telegraph Thursday August 15th 2002
(2) Cecily 1998 'A Story of Survival' Dulwich Centre
Journal 2&3 pp.64-67 Dulwich Centre Publications
(3)Towell, Noel 'Police investigate video claims amid teen sex charges' The Canberra Times 4th August 2009
(4)Wocknera, Cindy 'Magnificent Seven' Daily Telegraph Friday July 12th 2002