Telling Others

Telling other people about being raped or sexually abused is, I think, one of the most difficult things for a victim of rape or sexual abuse to do.
I do not know of a word that can describe the depth of fear, violation, humiliation and hurt that being raped causes and so without a language for the pain it becomes difficult to convey understanding to others.

When I was raped I had felt nothing and so I asked some of the nurses and a doctor at the hospital whether it was possible to be raped and yet feel nothing. The response's I received were that they didn't know, they didn't seem to want to know and they didn't want to talk about it.
Only my TAFE teacher, who was also a nurse, responded in the sort of way that you would wish someone to respond when you tell them you have been a victim of crime. His response was sympathetic, considerate and concerned, but I now know that for someone to respond like that is extremely rare.cartoon by Leunig

When I was told that dissociating prevents any sense of sensation so that it is possible to be raped and have no feeling then I no longer spoke about the rape, not even to people I came to know well because I knew that I would not get the response I hoped for.

Other women who have been raped have also experienced similar problems in telling others.
"It's a phenomenon that experts say is a result of a tendency among survivors to blame themselves for their attackers' actions."
"The reason an admission of sex abuse by one victim led to others coming forward too related to their ability to realise they weren't responsible for the crimes perpetrated against them." (1)

The following excerpt is from A Story of Survival by Cicely

Telling people wasn’t as easy as I thought because once I’d told people, or my mum had rung various members of my family, then when I saw the people who had been told they didn’t say anything to me. That was pretty hard to deal with. I guess they felt that maybe I didn’t want to talk about it.

You often hear of children who’ve been sexually abused telling their parents or somebody and the person refusing to believe it. I never had any of that. That would be so hard to deal with.(2)


In the months following the rape when I heard people using terms of sexual abuse I did not say anything to them as it would have meant talking about the rape.
I remember once a woman who I knew even saying she had seen pictures of me and I replied "I don't think so" because I haven't made any pictures of myself. When I asked her what she meant she said "It doesn't matter". It seemed a strange conversation to me and at the time I could only imagine that any pictures would be made by the rapist but I couldn't say that to her because I couldn't talk about the rape.

Finally, however, in 2007 I did talk about the rape before a classroom of fellow students and though it took me about 20 minutes to recover, with the sound of my pulse throbbing through my ears, from then on I have been able to talk about it more and more releasing a lot of the fear that I used to have.

Over the past few years my family and I have had the house repeatedly broken into and my personal information stolen and I believe these crimes stem from the abuse I received after being rape. So in 2008 I wrote an article which was published in the Sydney Morning Herald about the rape and it's aftermath (February entry) hoping that by telling others the truth my family and I might live without harrasment.
I also spoke about the rape at the 2008 Reclaim The Night rally. However not long after that some more personal information was stolen.

Because of the abhorrent crime that rape and sexual abuse is I have continued to talk about it.
I remember last year being threatened with being beaten for wanting to distribute a leaflet I had made about the rape.
I have also spoken directly to people, sometimes I have been sworn at, told I am a liar and also a 'poor thing' and other times people have responded with concern, sometimes even telling me their own stories.
Then I started writing this blog which is not only about what has happened to me but which I hope will give some sort of understanding to others about the effect of sexual abuse.

On the fourth of August 2009 when I read the article in The Canberra Times (3) about the Tuggeranong school girl who had been raped, when I read how similar her story was to mine and also to the other girls who had been raped in Sydney (4) and how despite the articles in the press and the seeming public revulsion about rape, the attitude that rape victims are 'sluts' has not changed, I sat outside the Police Centre here that deals with sexual assaults, which is on a main roadway, I sat there from 10am to 4pm with two signs- one asking for Human Rights for victims of crime and another asking for privacy and truth.

Australian's should not need to go to such lengths to fight for basic rights as our laws are written to allow even criminals the right to defend themselves however when I remember how much my family and I have suffered because I was raped and when I read the articles concerning the girl in Tuggeranong who was raped, and how she and her family also suffered abuse then I believe such appalling crimes should be spoken of.


(1) Cazzulino Michelle 'Victims find courage to speak of sex abuse' Daily Telegraph Thursday August 15th 2002
(2) Cecily 1998 'A Story of Survival' Dulwich Centre
Journal 2&3 pp.64-67 Dulwich Centre Publications
(3)Towell, Noel 'Police investigate video claims amid teen sex charges' The Canberra Times 4th August 2009
(4)Wocknera, Cindy 'Magnificent Seven' Daily Telegraph Friday July 12th 2002

Responding

On the front page of Tuesday August 4th's 2009 Canberra Times there is an article claiming that a video was made of a teenage girl being sexually assaulted by three male teenagers. Afterwards the girl claims that she received phone calls and text messages from others taunting her about seeing a video of the assault.

In 2007 I remember a teenage school boy running across 3 empty traffic lanes, right up to the rear of my car screaming out 'whore' towards me. This boy's face was full of anger and accusation directed at someone he knew nothing about.

So in a society where anger and violence are acceptable ways of dealing with "interpersonal (school massacres) and international (bombing other peoples) issues"(1), where "images of violence and 'pimping and ho'ing '(whoring) are popularized by those who profit from them"(2) and where even children are sexualised through advertising and 'sexy' clothing styles(3) should we respond?

"For all is like an ocean, all is flowing and blending; a touch in one place sets up movement at the other end of the earth."(4)

I have been reading a book entitled 'Conversations about Culture, Gender, Violence and Narrative Practice' (CCGVNP) which contains stories of women from different cultures who are responding to the violence within their communities. The violence is most often perpetrated by men.

The acceptance that violence and abuse are masculine models of expression destroys not only the lives of women and children but also withers up the dreams of boys and men.

In 'Raising Boys' Steve Biddulph talks about how inquisitive, loving and considerate boys slowly shut down "useful and healthy emotions like sadness, fear and tenderness" in order to cope in the schoolyard. "A boy hardens his feelings and tenses his body"(5).

In an interview with Bert (CCGVNP), who is in a program for domestic violence, he says
"I find that the need to be more dominant than somebody else is something I see ingrained in most men...My dad was (like that) and the way I look at it now, I can see now how he put that on me... how I learnt this from him.. and he probably learnt it from somebody else.."(6)

Also in CCGVNP there are copies of correspondence between two Islamic youths, one in Australia and one in Canada, and how these young men are trying to deal with racist, religious and personal taunts from other school students. These incidents are angering them and encouraging them to act in violent ways of which they are later ashamed. "Instead of talking about it I would just take the anger out on my mum."(7)

In one account from CCGVNP a young black man in North America"would talk about having seen friends die on the street. He would sit and look out the window rather than at (the counsellor) and we would hear the sound of the street while he would say,'It's like a war out there'...the metaphor of war seemed quite realistic as the prevalence of violent deaths of young men in North America is staggering. At the same time ...he would speak of the times of his childhood when he had spent days in the woods at his grandmother's place. These quite times, alone in the woods, were described with such longing."(8)

These young men are looking to change the roles society has cast them in.

Trudinger's paper on 'Young men, angry language and the language of anger' tells the story of Steve. Who is also trying to change from his past.
"Steve talked about an argument he had had only the night before with his mother, about what they would watch on television. He said some pretty inappropriate and hurtful things, but just before he thought he might become physically violent, he went to his room to 'chill-out'. He later approached his mother and said 'sorry'."
Saying sorry "turned out to mean a great deal: in times past, he would have expected to intimidate his mother to leave the room,...choosing to leave the room himself was a big step. Steve said it meant that he didn't want to subject his mother to anymore verbal abuse...he was showing to himself and his mum that he could control his anger, take responsibility for his actions and 'help things get better, not worse'. His apology, he said,'was real', and 'took a lot of guts'."(9)

Bert- "Before, I thought (the alpha male mentality) was just part of what men do...But if I realize this is just an idea, a powerful idea, ingrained on me by someone else...well that's different...To be a different sort of man is not weakness."(10)

Social behaviours are learned by modeling the behaviours of others. Watching role models we admire allows our brains to take on skills, attitudes and values that we can use ourselves(11). Fathers, uncles and older male friends who introduce boys to sports, hobbies and music or "involve them in creative work in a shed or garden"(12) are giving boys opportunities to broaden their self-image, especially through praise.
Boys without these influences can adopt hobbies which make them feel masculine like "action figures with huge muscles, guns, trucks and so on."(13) and they may also adopt tough and uncaring attitudes.

By watching men express emotions like sadness, fear and love boys will also learn that these emotions are acceptable and expressible for a man (14). "So they do not have to be bottled up and volcanic when (they meet) the inevitable griefs of life."(15)

Biddulph states that anger though is usually the most comfortable emotion for men(16). Anger however is an emotion that is used to cover up other emotions such as fear, humiliation, hurt, disappointment etc. and it is almost invariably directed at someone else (17). Womens experience of men's expression of anger "can intimidate and silence"(18).

The book CCGVNP talks about using communities as a resource for responding to violence. The Indigenous Women's Patrols of Yirrkala and Gunyangara use kindness and humour when dealing with violent situations 'We always approach people with kindness, even if they are acting badly...We respect them and in turn this means that they respect us"(19) These women combine family, key community members and culture to resolve issues of violence.

The Creative Interventions project in Oaklands California also incorporates the intimate family and community networks which already exist to deal with domestic violence. An example they give is "I remember that my cousin and his friends helped this girl who was being beaten up by her dad. They went to his house and told him that they knew what was happening and he'd better not do it again."(20) These stories strengthen community based interventions.



(1)Akamatsu N 2007 A question about how violence becomes normalised in Conversations about Culture, Gender, Violence and Narrative Practice Yeun A & White C ed. Dulwich Centre Publications p. 120
(2)Berndt L 2007 On meeting Dawn in CCGVNP 'as above' p.93
(3)Biddulph S 2003 Raising Boys Finch Publishing Sydney p.119
(4)Dostoyevsky F 1952 The Brothers Karamazov Brittanica Chicago p.168
(5)Biddulph S 'as above' p.118
(6)Gray N 2007 Responding to men's violence in CCGVNP 'as above' p.142,143
(7)Yuen A 2007 Young men and violence in CCGVNP p.187
(8)Gray N 2007 ibid. p.147
(9)Trudinger M 200 Young men, angry language and the language of anger Gecko no.3 Dulwich Centre Publications p.47,48
(10)Gray N 2007 ibid. p.143
(11)Biddulph S 2003 'as above' p.147
(12)ibid. p.143
(13)ibid. p.143
(14)ibid.p.68
(15)ibid.p.69 A letter from Tony S.
(16)ibid. p.69
(17)Gordon T 2000 Parent Effectiveness Training Three Rivers Press New York p.143
(18)Trudinger 'as above' p.36
(19)Mununggirritj D & Yunupingu M 2007 The work of the community patrol in CCGVNP p.58
(20)Kim M 2007 Alternative interventions to violence in CCGVNP p.38

Conformity

Conformity is doing what others do without questioning it.

This picture of 'human lemmings' is from www.surrealart.com/


Conformity is about complying with social behaviour to avoid rejection or gain social approval(1).

Studies in psychology by Baron (1996)(2) showed that students who were uncertain about the right answer would conform to a colleagues answer, which was deliberately wrong,50% of the time, especially when it seemed important.
There is a famous study by Professor Stanley Milgram in which 63% of 'teachers' were willing to give shocks of up to 450 volts to 'learners' when they were asked to by an authority figure(3).
This study not only showed compliance with authority but also, as Myers in his book 'Psychology' points out, by starting at a small voltage and then escalating it step by step the 'teachers' were able to justify the small action in their minds and that made it easier to go to the next step and so progressing through to the end(4).

A quote from one of the students in Hamarus' and Kaikkonen's study on bullying reflects this gradual acceptance
"there were a few ...who always said to him/her like 'shut up' and then like, well okay, maybe that was a bit nasty and wrong, but not now"(5).
Myers states that these "experiments demonstrate that strong social influences can make people conform to falsehoods or capitulate to cruelty"(6).

The desire to be seen to be the same as others is a trait used by bullies in order to gain social standing and power(7). Bullies emphasize negative differences in another student through tale-telling(8) and create an 'us' group that other students will conform to due to a fear of social punishment(9).
The example they use in the article is that of fatness. If fatness is seen as culturally unacceptable within the pupil community then cases of anorexia nervosa will develop (10).

Sexual harassment also relies on others accepting and agreeing to harassing behaviour.
Sexual harassment usually begins in high school and occurs to both girls and boys. These young people will be grabbed and groped and sexually ridiculed by other, usually male, students.
In his book "Raising Boys" Steven Biddulph states that at his high school 2 boys in his class would catcall crudely whenever a young girl, whose breasts had developed earlier than those of others, walked into the classroom.
"I think we all wished they would stop...they made her life miserable. I wished we had had a strong enough boy-culture to tackle them,tell them to stop, to confront the stupidity and cruelty of it."(11)

Yet this behaviour is seen by perpetrators as "just part of school life...a lot of people do it...it's no big deal"(12).

The idea that the bodies of women are available to be abused and the behaviour that goes with it is carried through by some men into college where male peer support networks encourage other men, who may experience stress in dating, into sexually, physically or psychologically abusing women(13).
Of course once this behaviour is seen as acceptable amongst groups of men it is also carried through into the workplace.
Again from Biddulph "In a suburban... office, three... senior men crowd into a small office and close the door. The seventeen-year-old receptionist looks up nervously, because this has happened before. The men surround her and ...make comments on her clothes and inquire...about her sex life. When they finally leave, she collapses into tears."(14)

Also now as "imagery of urban pimp lifestyle has been taken up in rap and hip hop culture, and popularised by record companies in a way that perpetuates misuse of African American symbols"(15) the 'pimping' and sexual exploitation of women is being included into popular culture in a way that increases conformity with these behaviours of sexual harassment.

"'Creep' is a word given to people who act sexually with no feeling for others."
"where ever no women are present...the quite ugly way the (teenage) boys talk about women and girls is unsettling...The talk is just a macho pose. Others may not be joking...A big problem is that, since this is the boy-culture where attitudes are being shaped, younger boys in these settings will think this is how they are supposed to talk, feel and behave towards women"(16) unaware of the inappropriatness of their behaviour and of its impact on women.


(1)Myers D 2001 Psychology 6th edn. Worth publishers USA p.652
(2)ibid p.652
(3)ibid p.653
(4)ibid p.655
(5)Hamarus P & Kaikkonen P 2008 School bullying as a creator of pupil pressure Educational Research vol.50 no.4 p.342
(6)Myers 'as above' p.655
(7)Hamarus & Kaikkonen 'as above' p.338
(8)ibid p.342
(9)ibid p.342
(10)ibid p.342
(11)Biddulph S 2003 Raising Boys 2nd edn. Finch Publishing Sydney p.114
(12)Kopels S & Dupper D 1999 School based peer sexual harassment Child Welfare vol.LXXVIII no.4 p.457
(13)Schwartz & DeKeseredy 2000 Aggregation bias and woman abuse Journal of Interpersonal Violence 15 p.557
(14)Biddulph S 2003 raising Boys 2nd edn. Finch Publishing Sydney p.111
(15)Berndt L On meeting Dawn from Conversations about Gender, Culture, Violence and Narrative Practice edn Yuen A & White C 2007 Dulwich Centre Publications Adelaide p.92
(16)Biddulph S 'as above' p.111

The other why?

So why do some men react in ways that might injure those around them?

-anger is an expression of extreme or passionate displeasure

-aggression is the practice of attacking without provocation

-violence is behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage or kill

-abuse is the physical, sexual or psychological maltreatment of another person(1)

This emotion and these behaviours do occur seperately but sometimes together.In Australia, they are seen as culturally acceptable ways for men, in particular to express themselves eg. sports players and movie heroes(2).

Anger and violence are often combined in domestic violence.

Social learning theory states that children model their behaviour on the behaviours they observe in their social environment. So that when children witness spousal violence in the home they then learn to act and relate to others in the same way, especially if the child identifies with the perpetrator(3).
Violence is seen as an effective means of changing behaviour, a way of achieving an end.

Bevan and Harris' research on a small sample (39) of men receiving counselling for domestic violence found that there was a link between witnessing family violence and physical abuse as a child to later perpetrating psychological spousal abuse(4).Neglect, sexual abuse and psychological abuse as a child were seen as predicting the possibility of later physical abuse of a spouse.
So through their research domestic violence was not just a learned behaviour but other complex processes such as child maltreatment were also involved (5).

Trudinger in an article on young men and anger refers to our culture as a 'culture of violence'(6) because he states that in certain contexts we see violence as acceptable. Though it may not be seen as the 'proper' thing to do violence is seen to be effective and is therefore often used by parents and teachers. But violence is a way of forcing things upon others and does not teach right from wrong nor other ways of engaging.
"I can think of no more powerful instrument to crush the spirit of children than being beaten by those adults who love them" (7).

Anger and violence are also dominant constructions of masculinity(8). It is culturally acceptable for men to display anger whereas it is not acceptable for women to do so.

In a culture were violence is an accepted norm for men therefore sexual violence would seem inevitiable.

In studies on college students in Canada, Schwartz and DeKeseredy found that men who engaged in sexually violent behaviours actually encouraged their male peers to engage in the sexual, physical or psychological abuse of women(9). Schwartz and DeKeseredy call it proabuse male peer support and found that it was a key determinant of the abuse of women in both dating and marriage(10).

The men who engaged in this abuse were more likely to believe that men have power and control over women in intimate relationships(11) and they provided guidance and advice to influence and encourage other men to also engage in similar abuse(12), which included using physical force to make a girlfriend accede to a demand(13) .

Violence is therefore not only learnt in the home and accepted within our culture but there are men who support and encourage others in the abuse of women. The complexities of this 'why?' would be historically and culturally far reaching.

Picture is by Gary Larson from Myers 'Psychology'

Studies in Social Psychology also show that individuals who watch pornographic material are more likely to interpret womens behaviour, which is just friendly as being sexual and they will also view sexual aggression as less serious(14).

In a study by Malamuth and Check (1981) men who watched films with some sexual violence stated that they would be more likely to commit rape if they thought they could get away with it than men who had watched non-sexual films(15).

By combining violence with sexual films mens acceptance of aggression against women increases.

Films and television do influence our behaviours. They provide us with social scripts- constructed ways of behaving within our culture- so that when we are in an unfamiliar situation
sometimes we will rely on these constructed scripts to interpret others behaviour and to influence our own(16).

(1)The Australian Oxford Dictionary 2004 edited by Bruce Moore 2nd edn Oxford University Press

(2)Trudinger M 2000 Young men, angry language and the language of anger Gecko no. 3 Dulwich Centre Publications p.35

(3)Bevan E & Higgins D 2002 Is domestic violence learned? the contribution of five forms of child maltreatment to men's violence and adjustment Journal of Family Violence vol.17 no.3 p.225

(4)ibid. p. 241

(5)ibid. p. 24

(6)Trudinger as above p.35

(7)Hardy K 2002 To be a healer not a jailer: implications for therapists in moving beyond punishment The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work
2002 Dulwich Centre Publications No.2 http://www.dulwichcentre.com.au/

(8)Trudinger as above p.36

(9) Schwartz M & DeKeseredy W 2000 Aggregation bias and woman abuse Journal of Interpersonal Violence vol.15 p.557

(10)ibid. p.557

(11)ibid. p.559

(12)ibid. p.560
(13)ibid. p.559

(14)Myers D 2001 Psychology 6th edn. Worth Publishers New York p.673
(15)ibid. p.674
(16)ibid. p.674

Why?

In one episode of the series 'Geldof in Africa'(1) Bob Geldof tells a horrific story of one warlord's kidnapping and subsequent abuse of children.
Listening to the story it is hard to believe how someone could treat another human being in that way.
And you ask yourself why?
Is it merely because they have power and no one stops them that they use their power to abuse?

Why?
This is the question I wanted answered after I was raped.
The following theories may be useful in trying to answer that question but they are not sufficient and may not be useful for everyone.

These 5 theories for possible motivations for rape have been identified by Polaschek and Ward (2002)(2). In a study by Beech, Ward and Fisher (2009) these theories were assessed through interviews with 41 jailed rapists.

-25 of the men interviewed fitted into the theory that other people had treated them abusively and because of this they carried "entrenched feelings of resentment and anger"(3). These men thought that other people wanted to hurt them and because they believed themselves capable of retaliating then they wanted instead to dominate and control others who they saw as threatening to them, often a partner or ex-partner(4).

-The theory that women are sexual objects was held by 21 of the men. Men holding this theory believed that women's desires centred around sex and therefore they should always be receptive and avaliable to men's desire for sex, even if it's coerced(5). This theory precludes women from being recognized as individual and autonomous persons.

-That men are entitled to take sex if they want it was a theory held by 18 of the men. They believed that because they are men and more powerful then their needs are more important than those of others and they are therefore entitled to do whatever they like(6) .

-6 of the men believed that they were unable to control their sex drive. So their loss of control was instead blamed on the woman or other features of the environment (7) .

-The final theory held by 3 of the men was that women are mean and spiteful and always trying to con men so all interactions with women must be hostile(8) .

These theories were held in combinations amongst the men. Some of the men were motivated more by sexual desires and others by anger and hostility, also there were those whose motives were sadistic and who needed to exert power through sexually humiliating and psychologically distressing the woman(9).

All of these theories contain the idea of power being exerted over another human being either because the offender believes they have the right to do that or because they feel that they can.

Ward suggests that these theories generate the thoughts and motivational beliefs that construct the world at a functioning level(10) for these men. He considers these theories to be 'cognitive distortions'. That is the information that has been acquired, organised and transformed by these men from their social environment has been developed into social behaviour and functioning that can be injurious to others(11).

Considering that most rapes are not reported and of those that are only one in 100 is likely to achieve a conviction(12) the very sad implication from this research seems to be that there are alot of men in our society whose view of the world and of their relationships with women is shaped by these theories. "These offenders are a good deal more like other people than most people would like to think"(13).

(1)Bob Geldof 2006 Geldof in Africa WEA Productions
(2)Polaschek and Ward (2002) cited in Beech A, Ward T & Fisher D 2009 The identification of sexual and violent motivations in men who assault women: implication for treatment Journal of Interpersonal Violence vol.21 no.12 pp.1636
(3)ibid. p.1641
(4)ibid. p.1637
(5)ibid. p.1641 & p.1637
(6)ibid. p.1642
(7)ibid. p.1637
(8)ibid. p.1638
(9)ibid. p.1648
(10)ibid. p.1637
(11)"social cognition n." A Dictionary of Psychology. Edited by Andrew M Colman Oxford University Press 2009. Oxford reference Online. Oxford University Press
(12)Donnelly M "Our society is so easy on rape that it's a crime" Sydney Morning Herald Tuesday June 19th 2001
(13) Beech A, Ward T & Fisher D - same article as above- p. 1636

Poetry

The Rape
Surreal, unreal, unfeel
My pants to my knees
Bare bum on stony ground
Round white legs mottled grey like his cock
Under the streetlights
Under the needle-leaf Casuarina
My pants to my knees

My blood on my clothes, my shoes, my skin
My blood staining dark his knife's edge
Sharpened edge held to my side
The whole time
The whole length of time
Surreal
Unfeel

Dealing with the Pain

It's a near pitch black, ice cold pre-dawn. Only the light of a single streetlight 30 metres away allows visibility.
You are on your stomach. Your face is pressed into the gnarled surface of a concrete footbridge. Your pants are to your knees.
A stranger lies on your back, heavy as lead. The blade of his knife you hold in your right hand. He holds the handle. His other hand is down between your legs.
He lets go of the knife. You grab it now with both hands.
Thwack!Whack! He beats your hands into the concrete. Thwack again! Your face hits the concrete as he starts to beat you in the head.
His weight lifts from your body. You spin around to face him. He takes the knife.
He guides you under some trees and rapes you there with the knife held to your side.

How would you deal with the pain from something like that? How would you deal with the violation , the humiliation, the anger?

Then months later in a shopping centre- "You know she's a slut". And later still "Slut" "There's slut" "Whore" etc., etc., etc.

So this is the " Blow upon a Bruise"(1) The pain that is inflicted before you are even healed from the first blow.
I cannot explain why people think that abusing a complete stranger is acceptable just because a rapist says so. I am not a slut and was never called one until after I was raped but this has been my experience since the rape and only 1 man so far has come to me and apologised for abusing me.

And how would you deal with this added pain? This inexplicable callous abuse not of your body this time but of your sense of self?

I remember I would come home from work and just sit in the bathtub with the shower water running on my head. The droplets falling on my head and shoulders, the sound of the water in my ears -blocking out everything else. I didn't have to think about anything. I just sat there for an hour and a half or two doing nothing believing that at least I had the sanctity of the privacy of my home.
I was not able to talk about the rape then and this is often the case with victims of sexual abuse. Due to self-doubts and guilt and fear they will not speak about the crimes committed against them(2).
But now I do talk about it and write poetry about the rape and the abuse which is one way I have found to deal with it.

In a Story of Survival by Cecily she also speaks of using water not only to cleanse her after being raped but rather to soothe her.
"I didn’t feel dirty or ashamed after I was raped. I was scared, freaked out, and then really, really angry. I remember at the time just wanting to scream and let out a kind of roar of rage. At the end of the night, after going back to where the rape had happened with the police, after medical examinations and after talking with the police for hours and hours, I finally came home and had a shower. But it wasn’t because I felt dirty or embarrassed or ashamed, it was because I was so tired and water can be so soothing. "(3)

In a story by Zoe http://www.survivingtothriving.org/shareyourstory
she talks of disassociation, derealization, suicidal depression, self-mutilation and panic attacks plus other clinical manifestations after the rape.
These are symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which occurs to about one third of women post rape(3).
Research indicates that talking about rape soon after it has occurred reduces the risk of PTSD(4). Above all " present control over one's recovery process" was the most influential component in lessening the symptoms of PTSD(5).

Unfortunately alot of rape and sexual abuse victims also choose alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of the abuse.

(1)Peters J & Kaye L 2003 Chidhood sexual abuse: a review of its impact on older women entering institutional settings Clinical Gerontologist vol. 26 no.3/4 pp.41

(2)Michelle Cazzulino 'Victims find courage to speak of sex abuse' Daily Telegraph Thursday August 15th 2002

(3)Cecily 1998 A story of survival Dulwich Centre Journal 2&3 pp. 64-67 Dulwich Centre Publications
(4)Ullman S, Filipas H, Townsend S & Starzynski L 2007 Psychosocial correlates of PTSD symptom severity in sexual assault survivors Journal of Traumatic Stress vol.20 no.5 pp.821
(5)ibid. p.827
(6)ibid. p.829